Stupid Cupid!

 

I had crush on a shy guy

I’d seen him look my way

I felt the arrow of love

But how to say be mine? Kiss me! Say the word, you got me!

Light bulb, a Valentine!

I picked one out that said ‘You’re on my mind’

I looked high and low, where’d he go?

Then in the bushes, his bare behind bobbin’ up and down

I tore that card up fine as snow

Stupid Cupid

 

On my own, my first job

Imagine my surprise to see

My desk was right beside a man

Who could make me do handstands

All week I felt a barb in my heart

What a way to start!

When he offered to take me to lunch my heart was smitten

He opened up some cat food and called me his kitten

Twice smarter once bitten!

Stupid Cupid

 

At my sister’s wedding

I thought the photographer was hot

He finished with the wedding party and said

he’d like a few shots of just me

I felt the arrow again, okay I said

I followed dreamy to his studio

But wouldn’t you know

He wanted all my clothes off first

I have the feeling I’m utterly cursed

Stupid Cupid

 

I’ll never marry

Never in my life

Never have a husband

never be a wife

and if I ever find that cherub

I’ll jab him with a knife!

Stupid Cupid

Stupid Cupid

Leave me alone

Stupid Cupid!

 

Love A Tree Day!

Tree HuggerThe very first time I travelled from faraway San Diego to the remote reaches of a Western Kentucky forest, I fell swoopy-doopy in love. The Realtor I’d visited was in Elizabethtown. I wanted to build a cabin in the woods. Nada, nothing available, all the woods being sectioned up and bulldozed for subdivisions, sadness. The hour I was to leave the motel for the airport, she called and breathlessly rushed to say she’d just had a miracle pop up on her screen.

I sped over and met her at the door. She told me a 100 acre forested lot just came up on the wire, not even formally listed yet. And they only wanted $35,000 for it! She got a somber look and added that it was almost a hundred miles west.

We went and we poked around a little in the pouring rain. Gee, I wasn’t sure…We went back to the Realtor’s house and she let me stay there.

I called home and said I’d be away for one additional day, then remembered to change the flight due to family emergency. Sort of… The next morning I drove back out and everything seemed different, me and the trees in cosmic communion. The wonderfully sunny day was rather far along before I’d stopped wandering the deer paths, swooning in awe of the cacophony of birdsong and ogling the brilliant wildflowers. Before I got back in the car, felt the strangest, I couldn’t believe I was doing it compulsion. I hugged a big ‘ol tree. Tight.

I got back to the Realtor’s and picked up my plunder so I could return to the airport in Louisville. I had to talk a 35 grand commitment over with Bob, we had to look over the finances, we had to see if this could integrate into our plans, I had to convince him with a thousand pictures. I drove away. About 100 feet.

I ran back crying and signed the papers.

I have NEVER regretted it.

It’s Love A Tree Day, and as ABBA sang, “I do, I do, Id, I do, I do!”

Holy cow, just writing this has me in tears.

 

Digging Dread

I awoke this morning huddled into my covers, thinking about where to bury her body. This grew into dread as I became more alert. I knew it must be done, else it would draw flies and get gooey and stink the whole house up. I should get up and make some coffee. I’d think more clearly.

I lay abed another hour, picturing different internment spots around the property. About fifty minutes into the study, it had struck me that any burial not covered with a heavy stone would get dug up. The images flashed through my brain of body parts gnawed and dragged up onto the porch; parts I’d have to pick up. Durned dogs.

I have a sluice at the side of the yard for rainwater coming off the ridge behind me that leads to a deep ditch. For appearance sake, there is a smattering of creek rocks all the way down. One each side, however, are large creek stones arranged in long rows to keep erosion at bay. Once I’d pictured how I’d move the rock, decided which spade I’d use and concluded that I would not wrap the body, I got up with a leaden heart.

Weekends, I usually dress exceedingly casual and wear house shoes all day. Today I put on old stuff I wouldn’t mind getting messed up along with a pair of shoes with thick soles…for digging with the spade. I found a wad of packing paper to use to move the body as needed. Not the best plan, granted. She would have hidden in the basement.

I called for her a last, forlorn time and listened carefully to no response at all. Just like yesterday. Get it over with. I looked behind the washer/dryer, under the beer storage and raised the sprawling tarps I’d draped over the kiln that I have yet to assemble. How small a space could she have squeezed into? Not under the stairway. Not behind the 4X8 plywood that leaned against the wall.

As I walked back upstairs I felt renewed dread, now of needing to search behind every stash of boxes, every pile of clothes and all the canvas pallets and plywood I had everywhere. I reached the top of the stairs with the resolve to get a flashlight to see under the beds better. I imagined her meeting me there, at the top of the stairs. I could almost see her.

I did see her! I scooped her up and cradled her in my arms. “You aren’t ready to be buried yet are you, little kitty? I remembered cupping the ticky, wormy, shut-eyed pixy in one hand as she cried piteously on the gravel road where she’d been dumped some eighteen years ago. I let go of the phantom shovel handle I’d felt in my grip all morning as happiness fizzed in my heart like a shaken Coke. I warmed her up a tad of milk.

 

Stupid Cupid!

heart-sheepI had crush on a shy guy

I’d seen him look my way

I felt the arrow of love

But how to say be mine? Kiss me! Say the word, you got me!

Light bulb, a Valentine!

I picked one out that said ‘You’re on my mind’ with pink hearts all aglow

I looked high and low, where’d he go?

Then in the bushes, his bare behind bobbin’ up and down

I tore that card up fine as snow

Stupid Cupid

 

On my own, my first job heart-pan

Imagine my surprise to see

My desk was right beside a man

Who could make me do handstands

All week I felt a barb in my heart

What a way to start!

When he offered to take me to lunch my heart was smitten

He opened up some catfood and called me his kitten

I never went back to that dump

Stupid Cupid

 heart-pitcher-pictureAt my sister’s wedding

I thought the photographer was hot

He finished with the wedding party and said

he’d like a few shots of just beautiful me

I felt the arrow again, okay I replied                      June 13 016        

I followed dreamy to his studio

But wouldn’t you know

He wanted all my clothes off first

I have the feeling I’m utterly cursed

Stupid Cupid

 

I’ll never marry

Never in my life

Never have a husbandheart-cup-close

never be a wife

and if I ever find that cherub

I’ll jab him with a knife

Stupid Cupid

Stupid Cupid