I had crush on a shy guy
I’d seen him look my way
I felt the arrow of love
But how to say be mine? Kiss me! Say the word, you got me!
Light bulb, a Valentine!
I picked one out that said ‘You’re on my mind’ with pink hearts all aglow
I looked high and low, where’d he go?
Then in the bushes, his bare behind bobbin’ up and down
I tore that card up fine as snow
On my own, my first job
Imagine my surprise to see
My desk was right beside a man
Who could make me do handstands
All week I felt a barb in my heart
What a way to start!
When he offered to take me to lunch my heart was smitten
He opened up some catfood and called me his kitten
I never went back to that dump
At my sister’s wedding
I thought the photographer was hot
He finished with the wedding party and said
he’d like a few shots of just beautiful me
I felt the arrow again, okay I replied
I followed dreamy to his studio
But wouldn’t you know
He wanted all my clothes off first
I have the feeling I’m utterly cursed
I’ll never marry
Never in my life
Never have a husband
never be a wife
and if I ever find that cherub
I’ll jab him with a knife